Dude, Where's My Knife?

Everyone, at some point, has that night where you get really drunk and say or do something really stupid. Sometimes you pick a random fight with someone bigger than you, or you call that old ex that you know you shouldn't. In the case of this one man, he got himself stabbed. The best part? He didn't even remember.

Damn, my back is sore...what did I do last night?

A Russian man went out drinking after work one night, and when he got up the next morning, his wife noticed a knife handle sticking out of his back. His wife noticed it, IN THE MORNING. That means, he rode the bus back, slept and had breakfast, all the while, not noticing that he had a knife in his back! That guy must have really been hitting the hard stuff. I mean, even if you forget what's gone on from a night of being blackout wasted, he didn't feel the sharp object sticking in his flesh the next day. I'm impressed he was able to figure out his way home on the bus.

What about his drinking buddy? Deputy prosecutor, and avid Yoda impressionist, said this, "Unique and intriguing the case may be, but the accused faces a severe punishment."

In the end, our hero does not feel the need to press charges, and he bears no ill will to his attacker. In fact, he gives us this little piece of wisdom, "We were drinking and what doesn't happen when you're drunk?"

Video Monkey: Monkeys Love Music

Stop the Huffing Madness!

An 8 year old boy was suspended from his grade school for sniffing marker fumes off his jacket. Yes, marker fumes.

Destroy all the markers! Think of the children!

Now, it's possible that I do not have the best interests of the youth of our country in mind, but doesn't this seem a bit over the top? First of all, an 8 year old boy can barely tie his shoes yet (we weren't all super geniuses), let alone know he's dabbling in dangerous narcotics. Secondly, when did huffing marker fumes become dangerous to kids health?

Did the boy learn his lesson?

"It smelled good," Harris said. "They told me that's wrong."

Sounds effective to me. Despite, the doctor's assurance that it cannot get you high, the principal continued in his outrage:

"Principals make hundreds of decisions everyday based on our best judgment. And in that time, smelling that marker, I felt like, 'Wow, that's a very serious marker,'" Benisch said.

Despite the medical evidence, Benisch promised to draw an even clearer line on markers.

"We've purged every permanent marker there is in this building," he said.

What did markers ever do to this guy? Maybe he should worry about purging possible weapons or drugs or something that seems like it could pose a more dangerous threat to the kids. Sharpie markers? Somehow, I don't imagine it leads down a dark path to drug addiction and health problems, but again...what do i know?

Is it the Nerdiest Proposal or is it the Greatest Proposal Ever?

Is this computer programmer a cheesy, sappy romantic nerd or is he a twisted genius?

It's ok honey, I'd rather you play your computer games than talk to me.

This guy managed to reprogram her favorite game (and notorious office day time waster), Bejeweled, to suddenly contain a proposal when she reached a certain score threshold. Needless to say, this won her over, and even won them a free honeymoon from the game company. Really? That really is a match made in nerd heaven. I wonder what he set the score to be? Imagine if she just kept having a bad day at the game, and he was just sitting there sweating it out nonstop. The best reaction came from the game company. They said that normally no one appreciates it when people tamper with their games, but in this case, he has to applaud the nerd winning over an actual girl. Way to tell it like it is, video game executive...way to tell it like it is.

Remember Kids, Playing Dead Protects You From Bears, Not Police

As he'd forgotten the age old rule about when to play dead, this burglar in Spain was caught by police playing dead in a funeral parlor.

Hmmm...look at those bodies. One of these things is not like the other.

How was he busted by the police? They noticed 2 things about him. One was that he was dressed in dirty clothes, and the other was that he was BREATHING! Yup, even this pinnacle of crime excellence couldn't remember to hold his breath when hiding on display. I guess it could have been worse. He could have been mistaken for a body returning to life and attacked like the man last year who dressed like a zombie for Halloween. Another good question was why he was robbing that place to begin with. That's like a page from an idiot's guide to grave robbing. The funeral home isn't full of valuables. Better luck next time!

Meet Your 100 Special Someones on Facebook!

Facebook takes another moves towards classy dating. A 23 year old girl decided to start a Facebook group titled, "I Need Sex." I think the motivation was pretty clear. Shockingly, Facebook closed her account, but not before she'd gotten 100 members in the group, 50 of whom found their way to her bed. Talk about using Facebook for some self promotion.

I thought we were exclusive!

The best quote of the article?

"She admitted some people might "look down on me" for her behaviour and said some might even say that she may as well have been a prostitute because then she would at least have been paid for sleeping with so many different men, but she said: "I don't see it like that at all. ""

It's always a good sign when your friends tell you that you might as well have been a prostitute.