Resourceful Drunk

This drunk ohio guy is way more resourceful than most drunks.  He built his own bar stool transportation to get too and from the bar.  I wonder if he just parked his vehicle at the bar, when he'd go drinking.  Is it still drunk driving, if you technically never leave your stool?  My favorite was his plea of not guilty, despite the fact that his response to police over how much he drank was, "a lot."

Well, it sure beats drunk segway driving

Dude, Where's My Knife?

Everyone, at some point, has that night where you get really drunk and say or do something really stupid. Sometimes you pick a random fight with someone bigger than you, or you call that old ex that you know you shouldn't. In the case of this one man, he got himself stabbed. The best part? He didn't even remember.

Damn, my back is sore...what did I do last night?

A Russian man went out drinking after work one night, and when he got up the next morning, his wife noticed a knife handle sticking out of his back. His wife noticed it, IN THE MORNING. That means, he rode the bus back, slept and had breakfast, all the while, not noticing that he had a knife in his back! That guy must have really been hitting the hard stuff. I mean, even if you forget what's gone on from a night of being blackout wasted, he didn't feel the sharp object sticking in his flesh the next day. I'm impressed he was able to figure out his way home on the bus.

What about his drinking buddy? Deputy prosecutor, and avid Yoda impressionist, said this, "Unique and intriguing the case may be, but the accused faces a severe punishment."

In the end, our hero does not feel the need to press charges, and he bears no ill will to his attacker. In fact, he gives us this little piece of wisdom, "We were drinking and what doesn't happen when you're drunk?"

Real Men Beat Birds

Nobody likes to be made a fool of. Especially really excessively prideful men.

I'm manlier than this bird!

2 guys got attacked by an ostrich named, Gaylord, when they broke onto an ostrich ranch in a drunken stupor. What else could their female companions do but laugh? I mean, who doesn't think 2 guys getting kicked by an ostrich is hilarious? I hope they flew back in a cartoony like fashion. Well, these two resourceful young men did what anyone else would do. They went and taught that bird a lesson, and killed him with a rifle and a shotgun. Wait a minute...they what? That is the ultimate form of intelligence and self esteem right there. Gunning down a random ostrich. It's a shame he didn't kick them in the face. Clearly, these aren't the sharpest tools in the shed. They definitely get the giant tool of the year award. If you ever look stupid, then you just kill the thing that embarrassed you. Logic that cannot be argued. I'm sure they thought the same thing after walking into signs or falling to the ground and trying to shoot the inanimate objects. Guess what else looks stupid? Shooting an ostrich.