Snakes on the Plains

Just when you thought it was safe to flush that pet snake down the toilet and tell your kid that it moved to a snake farm in Connecticut, the newest US Geological Survey has issued a warning that giant alien snakes may secure a foothold in North America. Yes, those are the exact words used by the US Geological Survey. "Giant, Alien Snakes." Apparently, the invasion will begin in the climate in Florida. Perfect plan for the snake attack. Pick off our older citizens who are weaker. With any luck, the elderly will rally like Hume Cronyn and Jessica Tandy did against those bullies in the 1987 classic, "Batteries Not Included." Be warned, America. The geologists have spoken!

Hey, who put this 20 foot python in my backyard?

Aliens have arrived....and we're shooting at them.

Much like Will Smith in Independence Day, this intrepid pilot stared down a UFO with all the guts he had, and he fired a full barrage of missiles. He's been sitting on this secret for 51 years. Why come forward now? He had to admit that 51 years ago, he was ordered to shoot down.....nothing. He saw a large blip on his radar, but no actual UFO. Thanks for the alien update, pal. Although, good to know that if an alien arrived, the American government instantly orders a 24 missile welcome wagon. I guess diplomacy is dead. What would Captain Kirk do?

Rest in pieces alien scum!

Alien Conspiracy

Someone call Mulder and Scully. It would appear that the insanity of the alien meteor has been blown out of proportion.

Wait, so there's no aliens?


Apparently, people weren't getting sick from the meteor at all. It was all a deep rooted psychosis. I think it sounds more like they're getting desperate for a reason. I'd like to speak with these so called social anthropologists. I find this whole thing more than a little suspicious. It screams out area 51 to me. I still stand to my original inkling that the alien virus has been released to the populace. Everyone run and hide! Who knows where the next tainted meteor will land! This is the stuff movies are made of here. Uh oh, we've been infected with something from outer space...oh wait, no it's just the ground, no wait..people are crazy and nothing really happened. It's getting weirder by the minute.

The Aliens Have Landed!

Don't get me wrong, I feel bad for these villagers, but the headline sounds ridiculous.

Maybe I shouldn't have drank that contaminated alien water

Scientists claim that maybe it had something more to do with the possible sulfur, etc inside the meteor, but I prefer to think of it as the first wave of attack. Let's pretend we're aliens for a minute. I'm thinking, hmm, I bet we could wear those humans down easily by making them do stupid things. Naturally, when a meteor hits, people run to the scene where they're overcome with the illness. I also like that someone had to decide that maybe they shouldn't drink the water that the flaming ball of gases from space landed in. I would think that decision would be pretty self explanatory. Then again, who am I kidding? I once ate a straw wrapper and a napkin just to prove a point to my friends. I'd probably be the jackass eating the giant sign that said, "Welcome Aliens!" cause of someone's challenge. Although, that further proves my point to any extra terrestrial readers. It's not hard to get people to do stupid things.