Beware of Snake!

I don't even have to make up my own sentence to describe this link.  The actual headline does it enough justice:

Snake Eats Family Dog as Kids Watch

What the hell?  That story couldn't be worse unless the snake ate the kids afterwards.  The best part is the way the zookeeper decides to rub it in even more.  First he tells them that they can't remove the still being digested dog, because it could cause harm to the snake, and everyone knows that you don't do anything to that might hurt the poor snake who slithered into someone's house and inhaled the dog.  Then, he goes on to say, in a way that i read as smarmy, how they really should have just called him the other day when they saw the snake.  Although, I will say...who knew snakes measured themselves and stalked prey for days before eating.  I certainly didn't.  If I ever see a person sized snake (such as the one stalking J Lo and Eric Stoltz in Anaconda), riding on the subway next to me for a couple days, you can be damn sure that I'll call some zookeeper/superhero right away!

What's New in Doggie Fashion?

Ever wonder what a dog feels like when it has to wear a ridiculous looking sweater?  I've never owned a dog, so I can't relate to the joyous feeling people get by warming them up in some ugly sweater.  How come the clothes are never more stylish?  Well, who is making the biggest leap in preparing dogs to face the outside world?  You guessed it.....The Berlin Police Department?!?

Berlin Police Dogs:  Now prepared for all terrain!

What really sold this article to me is the picture.  I mean, check this dog out.  He's all tough, he's ready to fight crime, and he's sporting some extra mean looking bright blue shoes:

 

BRING ON THE BAD GUYS!

Criminals beware.  Once that furry dude comes running at you in a blur of ferocious brown and bright blue, then no one will know what to do with themselves!  Gone are the days of hearing, "BARK BARK OW MY TOES!"  Now, it's just all nonstop ferocity.  

Oregon's Awesome Week

I've found two particularly odd things this week that have both happened to take place in the great state of Oregon. I've got no ill will towards Oregon, it's just happened to make some interesting decisions with the law of late.

First there was the family forced to change their license plates, cause it was a discriminating work.

I'm sorry, you can't say your name around these parts

Now, I'm not familiar with the word being offensive, so I won't doubt that, however, the interesting part is that it's actually their name on the license plate. So, while adding a U to the front can be interpreted as "You," it's also just a plain old last name to this family. The woman says in addition to it being a slur, it's also a sexual reference. What kind of sex are they having in Oregon? Last I checked, it wasn't a particularly hot choice of words to say you were going to go dink someone. In fact, I think telling someone you want to dink them, actually makes you less sexy or sleazy for that matter.

Also, it was a tough day for a hero who gave his life for the police. A monument devoted to a dog that died in the line of duty was removed. What better way to remember a dog, then with his very own fire hydrant.

When you gotta go, you gotta go

I think my favorite part about this story is the headline.

"Fire hydrant removed to protect patriotism"

Really? I mean, aren't we taking this a little far? The idea was to honor this dog, and not an intentional disrespect to the flag. She goes on to point out how the poor, little dog is turning in his grave at the mere thought that someone might be disrespecting the flag. I'm thinking if that police dog were alive today, he'd probably just be thinking about how much he was relieved to find a place to pee. Maybe dogs are a secret threat to freedom, that we just haven't considered yet...