Showing posts with label crime. Show all posts
Showing posts with label crime. Show all posts
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Elmo Goes Rogue
Ever get tired of being nice all the time? Elmo certainly does. He's finally snapped. In Times Square the other day, Rob Me Blind Elmo made his first appearance to the world.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Stop that Grandma!
A sweet, old lady in NY was arrested for the 73rd time in 37 years with a new grand larceny charge. She's just like your average grandma though, you know, baking cookies, spoiling the grandkids, playing a round of bingo and stuffing her bra full of stolen wallets.
It wasn't me! It was the on armed man!
It wasn't me! It was the on armed man!
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
What's New in Doggie Fashion?
Ever wonder what a dog feels like when it has to wear a ridiculous looking sweater? I've never owned a dog, so I can't relate to the joyous feeling people get by warming them up in some ugly sweater. How come the clothes are never more stylish? Well, who is making the biggest leap in preparing dogs to face the outside world? You guessed it.....The Berlin Police Department?!?
What really sold this article to me is the picture. I mean, check this dog out. He's all tough, he's ready to fight crime, and he's sporting some extra mean looking bright blue shoes:
BRING ON THE BAD GUYS!
Criminals beware. Once that furry dude comes running at you in a blur of ferocious brown and bright blue, then no one will know what to do with themselves! Gone are the days of hearing, "BARK BARK OW MY TOES!" Now, it's just all nonstop ferocity.
Friday, November 2, 2007
At Least Spider-Man Turned Out OK...
Spider bites can lead to all sorts of dangerous outcomes. There's swollen limbs, poison, super powers, and also the ever present desire to suddenly rape someone.
The spider made me do it!
Instantly climbing the ladder to the top 5 of the dumbest criminals, this guy tried to convince a court that the poison from a spider is what made him crazy enough to become a rapist. Strong defense there, pal. Next time, I get stung by a bee, then I can't wait to see what I'll get away with. I have been feeling like cash is a little tight. I didn't mean to rob that bank, the bee made me do it. Something about the combination of the honey and the toxins made me turn into Loony McPsycho, the publisher of the Crazytown Gazette. Imagine what a mosquito might do. That taint to the bloodstream could make you go insane with rage. Who is that person who looked at you funny when you cut them off getting off the subway? Next time, buddy, next time, I'm going to....what's that? Oh, he lost the case? Um, disregard this last paragraph.
The spider made me do it!
Instantly climbing the ladder to the top 5 of the dumbest criminals, this guy tried to convince a court that the poison from a spider is what made him crazy enough to become a rapist. Strong defense there, pal. Next time, I get stung by a bee, then I can't wait to see what I'll get away with. I have been feeling like cash is a little tight. I didn't mean to rob that bank, the bee made me do it. Something about the combination of the honey and the toxins made me turn into Loony McPsycho, the publisher of the Crazytown Gazette. Imagine what a mosquito might do. That taint to the bloodstream could make you go insane with rage. Who is that person who looked at you funny when you cut them off getting off the subway? Next time, buddy, next time, I'm going to....what's that? Oh, he lost the case? Um, disregard this last paragraph.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
More Crime Than a Barrel of Monkeys
Everyone knows that monkeys are fun. Who doesn't love a monkey? Things change when monkeys go bad. Some monkeys have fallen on hard times, and they've gone to the wrong side of the tracks.
Stick 'em up! This ain't a banana in your back!
If you watch the video as well, then it really enhances the story. These baboons have become the terror of South Africa. Bullying people, robbing homes. It's quite insane. Never in my life have I thought, what would i do if I ran into a wild pack of baboons in a dark alley, the answer is now quite clear. You run. You run fast and far. Those bad boys would be on you in about 2 seconds and running off with your wallet and the keys to your car, before joy riding all over town. I wonder if there's a baboon gang sign that they tag buildings with. I mean, this is seriously the most ridiculous thing I've seen in a while. These guys are on a rampage. Who is it to blame? Of course, it's the dirty tourists. Always feeding those baboons and not realizing that they're breaking down the monkeys' ability to find their own food. It's like those squirrels at the grand canyon that will practically pin you down and cut you until you surrender some food. You haven't felt fear until you've stared down the beady little eyes of a vicious squirrel. Back to the point at hand, these monkeys give other monkeys a bad name. I'm going to think twice next time I'm at the zoo, and a baboon reaches out in peace. I'll know deep down that he's got malice in his eyes, and he's probably trying to distract me while his baboon friends pick my pocket.
Stick 'em up! This ain't a banana in your back!
If you watch the video as well, then it really enhances the story. These baboons have become the terror of South Africa. Bullying people, robbing homes. It's quite insane. Never in my life have I thought, what would i do if I ran into a wild pack of baboons in a dark alley, the answer is now quite clear. You run. You run fast and far. Those bad boys would be on you in about 2 seconds and running off with your wallet and the keys to your car, before joy riding all over town. I wonder if there's a baboon gang sign that they tag buildings with. I mean, this is seriously the most ridiculous thing I've seen in a while. These guys are on a rampage. Who is it to blame? Of course, it's the dirty tourists. Always feeding those baboons and not realizing that they're breaking down the monkeys' ability to find their own food. It's like those squirrels at the grand canyon that will practically pin you down and cut you until you surrender some food. You haven't felt fear until you've stared down the beady little eyes of a vicious squirrel. Back to the point at hand, these monkeys give other monkeys a bad name. I'm going to think twice next time I'm at the zoo, and a baboon reaches out in peace. I'll know deep down that he's got malice in his eyes, and he's probably trying to distract me while his baboon friends pick my pocket.
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