Elmo Goes Rogue

Ever get tired of being nice all the time? Elmo certainly does. He's finally snapped. In Times Square the other day, Rob Me Blind Elmo made his first appearance to the world.

Elmo says give me your money and no one will get hurt!

Stop that Grandma!

A sweet, old lady in NY was arrested for the 73rd time in 37 years with a new grand larceny charge. She's just like your average grandma though, you know, baking cookies, spoiling the grandkids, playing a round of bingo and stuffing her bra full of stolen wallets.

It wasn't me! It was the on armed man!

I'm sorry Officer, but look how clean my hands are!

In what will either be described as the weirdest defense ever, or a brilliant stroke of genius, Rep. Vito Fossella of NY is going to plead that his blood alcohol level was too high, cause he's been using too much Purell. Really? Hand sanitizer? That's the best they could come up with? In other news, I was pulled over because I accidentally swallowed too much Listerine this morning, when I was getting ready for work.

Dude, forget shots, just slap on some of that sweet hand sanitizer

Los Angeles: Dirtiest Air, Cleanest Water

In tribute to Oscar Night, I bring you the results of another highly anticipated awards ceremony.  The Berkeley Springs International Water Tasting.  Envelope please....

And the award goes to...the Los Angeles area.  Wait a minute, Los Angeles?

Southern California finds a way to keep the smog and pollution out of the water.  The award for Best Municipal Water 2008 was given to Metropolitan Water District of Southern California.  They serve a few areas, including Los Angeles.  How is one of the dirtiest polluted cities spewing forth the cleanest water?  The city donates 2 gallons of their best water to this contest each year.  Imagine being a judge on this panel.  They have to rate each one on taste, odor, mouth feel and after taste.  Now, clearly I'm no expert, but should any water really have an odor or a nasty after taste?  Seriously?  If i took a sip of anything remotely rancid and containing an out of the ordinary scent/taste, I think the city officials would find themselves wearing all 2 gallons of the donated water.  Also, what is "mouth feel?"  I think water should have two very simple feels.  I want it to feel cool and refreshing.  I certainly don't want there to be anything prickly or rough or smooth.  Nothing should be feeling up the inside of mouth, while I enjoy a glass of water.  

Most importantly, where are the votes for my hometown New York City water?  Sure, it's sometimes got a chlorine like taste to it, and occasionally you've got to let the faucet run a few extra seconds until the the water stops looking brown, but damn is it ever tasty.