My Fish Could Kick Your Fish's Ass

For everyone who thinks that their fish are really boring, they need this fish training program. After the intensive training, your fish will kick goals like Pele or dunk like Jordan. Personally, I think this would just be a self esteem killer, when someone sees that their fish are in better shape than they are.

Fish Run For Freedom

Yes, it's true. The fish are now walking among us. No one is safe! The fish have stepped forth from their watery habitat and are high tailing it to freedom. Have they grown feet, you ask? Oh no. Apparently, these Florida catfish are pulling themselves along by their powerful pectoral muscles. I guess this answers one of the age old questions. Yes, fish are stronger than me.

Fish In Space!

Ever wonder what a good, inexpensive way to study motion sickness would be?  I can tell you what wouldn't be.:

Swimming with the stars

Some researchers were looking to study the effects of motion sickness on the body using fish in space.  Yes, fish in space.  They shot 72 fish into space in a tiny rocket with a tiny aquarium inside of it.  Apparently, fish swim in circles when they have motion sickness, so they want to see if there's a pattern to why some people get motion sickness and some don't.  Wait a minute.  Fish swim in circles when they have motion sickness?  Why don't they just stop moving?  Wouldn't that be an easier way to get over motion sickness?  

"Oh man, I feel so dizzy sick.  You guys go ahead, I'm going to swim this off.  Oh yeah, perfect circles, that's the spot.  There we go."

Luckily, the fish all returned safely to planet earth.  When asked to comment on the adventure, one of the fish replied by just swimming in circles and ignoring the interviewer.  That ungrateful little monster.

Not Sleeping with the Fishes

Mobsters all over the world are going to need a new expression pretty soon. You think that you have problems sleeping at night? Perhaps you should just head over to the fish tank and commiserate with your little swimming pal.

Could you keep it down out there? It's hard enough to sleep in this glowing tank of water you keep me in!

Let's analyze this for a minute. As an expert on having insomnia myself, it's really annoying to be tired and clunky the next day. However, the fish isn't stumbling through his work day. He needs to be extra alert to...what's that? Right, swim around in a circle. Oh, you're too tired to sleep? Well, stop swimming around in a circle all day and getting re-energized. His whole life is just confined to this couple foot area glass container. I'd probably be pretty depressed too and unable to sleep. At least Nemo got to have a wild deep sea adventure with Rosie O'Donnell to add the much needed jolt of excitement to his life forever. Poor little zebrafish. Trapped forever in a sleepless tank full of nothing but doldrums and occasionally sprinkled fish food.