Tuesday, May 20, 2008

When Animals Go Bad

Normally, I try to come up with some sort of witty twist on a strange news story headline, but I think this one speaks for itself:

Seal Caught on Tape Molesting a Penguin


Yes, that's how much the seals have fallen on hard times these days. They are attacking the poor, innocent penguins. Here's the two scientific analysis quotes by a noted mammal ecologist:

"At first we thought it was hunting the penguin, but then it became clear that his intentions were rather more amorous," de Bruyn recalled today via email.

So, one might argue that it was true love between the seal and penguin. Maybe the seal was just trying to woo the penguin with his casanova like skills with the ladies.

"The roughly 240-pound seal subdued the 30-pound adult penguin by lying on it. The hapless bird of unknown sex struggled."

Oh wait, so maybe it wasn't even a female penguin. Does the varying biology of the two species affect it? Nah, I'm sure it'll be fine.

The seal then alternated between resting on the penguin and thrusting its pelvis at the bird in vain attempts to insert its penis for 45 minutes. Natural, unsuccessful sexual escapades by this variety of seal with members of its own species may last as long as this penguin assault did, "but yes, it is quite a long time and thus unusual," de Bruyn told LiveScience.

Holy crap, 45 minutes? Damn, that is one persistent seal. Well, if at first you don't succeed. That poor little penguin is lucky he/she wasn't suffocating under that creature that was more than 200 pounds heavier. You would think the "king penguin" breed would be a bit larger than 30 pounds. Needless to say, I hope you're hanging in there penguin, and that you got together with your buddies and led a march of the penguins after that seal.


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