Thirst Quenching Urine

File this away under "WTF."  Have you ever had that thirst that you felt wouldn't go away without a cool glass of Cow pee.  

Better double check that it's actually Mountain Dew that you're drinking  

Worst One Night Stand Ever

I think this story really speaks for itself.  Think twice before you mix booze, valium and a game of last man standing to pick up a girl late night at a bar.

At least, I remember her name now....

Shouldn't Nerds Be Smarter?

The winners of the week's thinking outside the box award definitely goes to these guys .  Instead of being bogged down with generic weapons like guns, they went all out and used replicas of traditional Klingon battle swords to rob two 7-11 stores.  

You earthlings better hand over everything in the register or the slurpee machine gets it!

If only Captain Kirk hadn't given up alien fighting to sell cheap hotel and airfare.

Across the USA in 13 days!

The cross country journey begins! The bags are packed, and ready to hit the open road Sunday morning. The trip will begin with a train ride tonight from new York to Philly. From there, I meet up with a friend and it's straight on to Texas by car. Then, I switch travel companions and continue on to the west. How many states? How many cities between now and the return home? Stay tuned.

Cheating with a Computer is Still Cheating

A woman is divorcing her husband, cause she uncovered him having multiple affairs in the online community, Second Life. Apparently, there can also be sins of the virtualized flesh. The best part is when she hired a virtual detective to scope out the situation and see what was going on. In the end, he said he loved his new online girlfriend more than his wife, and she left him. Begs the question. What is this Second Life thing? Why does it actually have prostitutes your character can hire? What is wrong with people? How sketchy is this dude? All quandaries that I will one day seek to answer.

It's a good thing these are only virtual women!

Palin: Ultimate Fighting Champion

The Total Nonstop Action Wrestling league has offered former VP nominee, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin $50,000 to join their "beautiful people" collection of wrestlers. They advertise it as another way for her to break into a male dominated field. I feel like the only thing that'll get broken into is some other woman's face.

The best consolation prize to losing an election

Worst Lawsuit Ever

The mayor of the city of Batman, Turkey is suing WB and Chris Nolan, the people behind the Dark Knight movie for money. Why? Because the movie is leading to:


"a number of unsolved murders and a high female suicide rate on the psychological impact that the film's success has had on the city's inhabitants."

Makes sense that after 70 years of comics, tv and movies, they finally figured out that a movie without even the word, "batman" in the title is ruining their city, after becoming the second biggest movie of all time. I can relate. Every time. "Escape From New York" comes on tv, I usually double over in a rage seizure.

Holy Greedy Lawsuits, Batman!

Literally couldn't live without him

A San Francisco woman was killed by her husband, during his funeral. What? You say? While driving his coffin, it flew forward in the hearse cause of traffic and hit her. She died on the spot. Divine intervention to keep two lifelong loves from being separate for long? Reaching from beyond the grave to try and give her one more hug? Really crappy luck? You decide.

Buy one funeral, get one free.

I swear, Officer...I wasn't at that strip club

A man in Alaska "accidentally" stole someone else's car from a strip club parking lot. Presumably, he was trying to make a quick getaway when his wife found out where he was. Not only was his "got in the wrong car" story fishy, his name was Charles Schultz. The creator of Charlie Brown? Booked for grand theft auto, what would Linus say?

Wait, this isn't my car? I didn't realize it, cause I always hot wire my car when I drive it.

Hard Core Running

You think you're a hard core runner? You run marathons? You push yourself to the limits of endurance? Well, think again. Try running with a rabid fox attached to your arm by its teeth. Yeah, how do you like them apples?

It's not quite as light as my ipod armband

Video games make me angry!

Another study is out about how violent video games make children angry. I'm not quite sure still why doing a lot of fantasy violence in a fantasy video game world is reason for people to not be able to distinguish between right and wrong. I played lots of duck hunt as a kid, and you don't see me out shooting at birds or the dog retrieving my kills. My skills at super mario brothers didn't leave me thinking I could grow from eating the right mushroom or hook up with a mushroom princess. If only video games were more like real life, but alas, they're not.

I swear my child was well mannered before those awful video games!

John, Paul, George, Ringo and You

Looks like The Beatles are finally going digital. Now, you can horrify your friends and family with your terribly butchered versions of Beatles classics. That sounds like fun for everyone.

I wonder if I have to buy new rock band instruments for this?

I don't hate you, but my brain does

Scientists have now discovered the hate part of the brain. So, now if you're ever in trouble and do something stupid, you can always blame the hate circuits. "Oh no, I think I had a misfire in my hate circuits, you honor. Damn that putamen and insula!"

My brain hates you SO much!

Russia Loves Jessica Simpson

Yeah, it's true. A movie so bad that it wasn't even released in America has rocked to the top of the charts in Russia. Sounds like Jessica Simpson has a chance to do for Russia what Hasslehoff did to Germany, and by that I mean be incredibly awesome far, far away from the people who know and love her and feel too bad to tell her that she can't act.

Russia's Sweetheart

There's Hope for Everyone

For all those lonely people out there, don't worry. It's not hopeless. The world's fattest man got married over the weekend. A man so large, that he hasn't left his bed in 6 years. I guess all you need is love. Love and a bed that can support 2 people and nearly 1400lbs of weight.

Lots to Love

Death the Way You Want It

A NC man won the blue ribbon at the state fair for making his own coffin. He's also writing his own eulogy and had arranged for his pallbearers already. In addition, he's insuring that his loved ones will be so bored of his funeral by the time it happens, that they'll fast forward through it like DVR on a commercial break.

Waaaay too much free time on his hands in life.

Stop that Grandma!

A sweet, old lady in NY was arrested for the 73rd time in 37 years with a new grand larceny charge. She's just like your average grandma though, you know, baking cookies, spoiling the grandkids, playing a round of bingo and stuffing her bra full of stolen wallets.

It wasn't me! It was the on armed man!

I'm sorry Officer, but look how clean my hands are!

In what will either be described as the weirdest defense ever, or a brilliant stroke of genius, Rep. Vito Fossella of NY is going to plead that his blood alcohol level was too high, cause he's been using too much Purell. Really? Hand sanitizer? That's the best they could come up with? In other news, I was pulled over because I accidentally swallowed too much Listerine this morning, when I was getting ready for work.

Dude, forget shots, just slap on some of that sweet hand sanitizer

Saw 5: Too Scary for Canada

Apparently, the Saw movie promotion included a site where you could include crank calls from horror movie icons or just the movie's main bad guy. Unfortunately, before I could use it to scare all my loved ones into despising me, it scared away Canada. There were a lot of calls to police operators for help from the various messages. Voicemails too authentic or Canada too wimpy? You be the judge.

Help, eh! There's some aboot in the house!

Tweet Tweet

I've recently begun using twitter. I couldn't quite tell you if I love it or not, but much like facebook, it becomes oddly addicting for no apparent reason. I still can't get used to referring to posts as tweets though. What the heck is that?

Follow me on Twitter