Snakes on the Plains

Just when you thought it was safe to flush that pet snake down the toilet and tell your kid that it moved to a snake farm in Connecticut, the newest US Geological Survey has issued a warning that giant alien snakes may secure a foothold in North America. Yes, those are the exact words used by the US Geological Survey. "Giant, Alien Snakes." Apparently, the invasion will begin in the climate in Florida. Perfect plan for the snake attack. Pick off our older citizens who are weaker. With any luck, the elderly will rally like Hume Cronyn and Jessica Tandy did against those bullies in the 1987 classic, "Batteries Not Included." Be warned, America. The geologists have spoken!

Hey, who put this 20 foot python in my backyard?

Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?

Evidently, Indiana Jones did not have any character flaws.  He's scared of snakes cause he can't help it!

What is that slithering creature?  I'm not sure, but I know that I hate it!

Two researchers from the University of Virginia believe that our fear of snakes comes from an evolutionary trait and not just cause they're generally creepy.  I must confess, I am compelled by evolutionary studies, since I used to write about them myself in college, but this is one of those that I sort of scratch my head on.  Maybe our ancestors were afraid of snakes, but at the same time, they were afraid for a reason!  It could be evolution or it could be the venom and the whole killing thing.  I didn't need my ancient monkey relatives to pass along a genetic message in a bottle!  Later on, it's explained, that at least in Virginia, it's easy to identify the venomous from the non venomous snakes by looking deep into their eyes and checking out their pupils.  Um, the last thing I want to do is stare deep into a snake's eyes.  I will hopefully be long gone before that bad boy starts crawling up my face!

Beware of Snake!

I don't even have to make up my own sentence to describe this link.  The actual headline does it enough justice:

Snake Eats Family Dog as Kids Watch

What the hell?  That story couldn't be worse unless the snake ate the kids afterwards.  The best part is the way the zookeeper decides to rub it in even more.  First he tells them that they can't remove the still being digested dog, because it could cause harm to the snake, and everyone knows that you don't do anything to that might hurt the poor snake who slithered into someone's house and inhaled the dog.  Then, he goes on to say, in a way that i read as smarmy, how they really should have just called him the other day when they saw the snake.  Although, I will say...who knew snakes measured themselves and stalked prey for days before eating.  I certainly didn't.  If I ever see a person sized snake (such as the one stalking J Lo and Eric Stoltz in Anaconda), riding on the subway next to me for a couple days, you can be damn sure that I'll call some zookeeper/superhero right away!