Saving the World Through Flatulence

Now, here's something that I haven't heard come up in any of Al Gore's speeches.

Do you smell something? I smell a cleaner planet

"Don't look at me, Mate. I'm here to save the world!"

Apparently, there's a bacteria in the kangaroo stomach that allows them to break down food differently than other animals. Why is this relevant? According to a study, 14% of the global warming emissions is the methane gas coming from cattle. I've never been to Australia, but I'm assuming that it isn't much smellier than living in New York is, but it looks like the cattle are causing some ripe problems. Who'd have known that so much damage was being done? There's a third grade quality silent but deadly joke in their somewhere that I'm missing. Don't blame the kangaroos though, their special stomachs allow them to produce clean gas. Yes, the kangaroos are apparently keeping the world safer, even if they put away a particularly bean filled bowl of chili. Mad scientists want to see if they can start modifying other animals to have this too. Did I say mad? I meant...scientists. I'm all about saving the world, but doesn't it seem like we're really grasping at straws here if they're trying to fix it this way. Somehow, I don't think the answer to the world's environmental problems lies in whatever is coming out of a sheep's ass.

Flaming Feces of Fury

This is definitely a whole new level of global warming fears that I never imagined. It's not just the excessive heat that might kill us, but also the methane gases released from frozen extinct animal crap.

Those crazy mammoths forgot to flush again

Who would have thought that millions of years later we'd have to worry about the long term effects of prehistoric poop? Here I thought the only dangers that I might encounter would be what I went through on Saturday night. A crazy, homeless man ran at me, on the streets of New York, with a bag of fire like an angry villager trying to chase the frankenstein monster out of a castle. I evaded the plastic shopping bag's flaming pile of potential burning disaster, but was left curious. Why was this man carrying a bag of fire? Where was he going? Was it really one of those burning bags of crap like an old halloween prank? I bet he knew something that we didn't know. When the cities begin to fall in the wake of the newly released deadly gases, that one crazy man with his burning bag will still be there laughing maniacally and swinging that fire at whoever gets in his way.