Friday, January 18, 2008

Your Move, WGA

Well, the directors guild has settled its contract issues without a strike. It took a whole....6 days.

Yay! We don't have to lose any time in our comfy director chairs!


Now, don't get me wrong, I am a fervent supporter of all things writers, but one would think that this has got to get the ball rolling here. There's at least some basic framework for the internet issue in this agreement. I know it's not as epic as George Clooney's offer to save Hollywood with his peace brokering, but still. I think it's a start. As much as I enjoy watching new episodes of Paradise Hotel and adding the new Terminator show to my DVR, I'd much prefer some of the beloved tv shows I love returning. At least before things get desperate and Fox creates another edition of the classic, "Man vs Beast." Come to think of it....it can be after that.

Gotta Have My Sean Paul

I guess people will do whatever to listen to their favorite music.

Argh! I can handle the pain. Just don't make me stop listening to it!

Every now and then you'll hear an odd story about something like this. An otherwise healthy 25 year old was having seizures whenever Sean Paul would come on. Any Sean Paul song. After 2 surgeries that included applying 100 electrodes to her brain, then removing them and also parts of the brain, she can now jam away whenever she wants to. While I can understand the frustration of it all, and the embarrassment of when she would collapse at parties, etc, you'd think she might just save the money and take him off her ipod?

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Slimy Babies

I was watching a movie last night, and there was one of those scenes where someone has a baby, and it's all touching and nice. However, looking at that slimy baby got me thinking. How do they cast for these parts? Do people willingly toss their newborns into Hollywood productions? Here, take my baby and slime it up good. I suppose money helps, but still, it seems odd to me. I mean, here's this baby, new and impressionable, and probably pretty happy to be free from the womb. Naturally, he/she would probably not be that pumped to simulate the miracle of life all over again. Sure, the baby's job is pretty easy. Lie around and let them cover them with goo like they've been slimed by a ghostbusters' ghost, but i wonder how confusing that must be. Their tiny little minds thinking, "didn't I just d0 this? Come on!" I suppose it's better than one of those rebirthing exercises. At least, the slimy baby movie role will pay for college.

It's a Bird! It's a Plane! It's a....Super Rat!

Living in New York, you will periodically stumble upon a rodent running around in the subway or on a sidestreet somewhere. However, just imagine seeing this bad boy crawl out of a garbage can near you:

What the hell is that thing? Take my garbage! Take my wallet! Take whatever you want!

Two scientists in Uruguay discovered the skeleton of a rodent that weighed approximately 1 ton! They estimated it at 3 meters long or the size of a small car. That is the most frightening thing that I've heard in a while. I'm not ashamed to say that I reacted in a rather unmanly fashion when i had a mouse in my apartment, so I don't think that I could gauge the reaction if I were to find a 1 ton super rat. Especially if it was with its buddies that are mentioned in the article, the terror birds and the giant armored mammals. Terror birds? They sound like they are cronies that work for Skeletor in his on going battle against the Masters of the Universe. What's a giant armored mammal anyway? I'm imagining an animal in one of those giant hamster balls, but made of an impenetrable metal. The creature peers through the viewholes as it wreaks havoc upon the country side. Maybe if the super rat had gotten itself a set of this armor, then it wouldn't be extinct. Take that, super rat!

Thursday, January 10, 2008

My Wife Charges by the Hour

Looking for a way to earn a little extra cash on the side? You could go work in a store like this woman told her husband she did, but to his surprise, she was actually working at his local whorehouse.

I paid all this money to have sex with someone that was not my wife!

I think the funniest/saddest part that this story never touches on is the guy's motivations. He's so shocked that his wife had lied to him and is doing this, he can't believe it. She's such an awful person. Um, buddy, you're at the brothel too! That seems to be lost in all this. I'm thinking that the marriage would be dysfunctional enough with her moonlighting as a prostitute, but he's also hiring them. Who knows how many times he went over there and didn't get her after he dropped some cash. I guess it really is all about how you spin the story. "Woe is me! My wife sleeps with other men for money!" However, he's the one paying other people for his sleeping around. At least she was making some money off the deal. Ironically enough, perhaps the same money that he flushed away at the same place. What a wonderful world!

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Deadly Rich

Creativity at its best for these two guys. In what could only have happened in a deleted scene from Weekend at Bernie's, two men attempted to cash a dead guy's social security check. Oh, it wasn't one of them in disguise or carrying fake IDs, they literally wheeled the dead man to the check cashing place and gave it a try.

He really wants this check cashed. What? No, he's just really tired and sleepy, but he really wants us to cash his check.


What do you do when your friend passes away in the apartment that you two live in? Grieve? Call for medical attention. No, that'd be too easy, there's still money that could be made from it. It's amazing how low people will stoop for a check for $350 split two ways. The most moronic part was that after wheeling him down "flopping in a chair," they left him in the street, while they went inside! How'd the police find them? Could have been top notch police work or it could have been the mob of people who formed around the random dead guy in an office chair sitting on the sidewalk of New York City. When the clerk didn't believe them, they were about to bring him inside to help with the scheme. If I were the police, I'd almost have let it go on two more minutes, just to see how they pulled it off. Was someone going to hold him up as if he was a giant puppet? Well played, gentlemen. Nothing says classy like taking advantage of a dead, old guy's body for financial gain.

Friday, January 4, 2008

Worst Way to Make Bacon

In an odd similarity to the method Mrs O'Leary's cow used burned down much of Chicago, A Jacksonville man's pig burned down part of his house.

Mmmmmm, that bacon sure smells fresh!

Jacksonville had a tough freeze on Thursday, much like a lot of the Northeast. I know I went to sleep with 2 blankets and a heater that was burning up the room so much that you could have cooked bacon on my arm. A thoughtful Jacksonville man was looking out for the well being of his pig. He parked that pig out on the back porch with a space heater to keep it nice and toasty. Unfortunately, the pig kicked over the space heater and burned down the back half of his house. While all the family survived unscathed, the pig didn't make it. I remember learning on the farm once that pigs are smart enough to never run into the same part of the electric fence twice. I guess he could not resist the warmth of that fire while the freeze was going on around him. Fare thee well, Jacksonville Pig.

New Year Monkey

2007 has come and gone, but alas, the legend lives on. After a month of monkey hibernation, it's time to get back to work...Onwards to 2008!

Monkey Search

Google